I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
