If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
