I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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