I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
