dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
