Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You work out of a Hotel?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
