I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
