Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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