is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize