And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
