No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Boobs are out for the taking
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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