watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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