I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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