I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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