five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
