we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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