I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
