I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
