Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
