I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
