is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
