A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Randomize
