bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
