Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
