Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
