I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
