I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
