I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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