We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
