You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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