I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
