I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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