I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
