Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
