the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
