somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
