Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
