you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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