Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
