Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
