I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize