Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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