She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
