Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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