I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
