It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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