dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
