i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
