i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
