We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
