I am in a vortex of obligation.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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