well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
