Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
