Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
