two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
