but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
