went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize