Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
