Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
