Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
