i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
