Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
