I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize