I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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