I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
