I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
