i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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