Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
