Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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