I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
