please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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