Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
