Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize