Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
