Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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