Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
