life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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