I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
