You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
