The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
